Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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