Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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