i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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