Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the condom got lost in my hair
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
