I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
