The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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