I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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