How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
