I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
