In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
