bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I deserve this hangover.
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