My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't turn off my feet"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
