How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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