just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
