Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
whose parrot is this?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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