I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
