its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
