Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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