absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
