Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
