She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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