She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
