Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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