we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
