it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
