1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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