got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
