yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
