my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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