Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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