im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
