Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
