How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
