holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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