those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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