Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
