My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
