Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
