told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
