Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
