If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
