dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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