remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nicole vs. Life
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
