2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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