I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
