I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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