what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
