I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
