What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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