morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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