just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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