Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
