hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Michael Bay diarrhea
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
