Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
