please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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