She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
