Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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