If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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