people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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