For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
