I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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